So I haven’t been here in forever, because of… time .-.
But I learned today was “Fuck your ED” day. And I thought, that’s freaking awesome!!
So I’d like to contribute to it too, and here’s the story behind those photos:
I was 110% wanting to get better, I was dead set on it, nothing was going to stop me. I went and got the symbol of NEDA tattoed on my ankle, I wanted to look at it and know what I was fighting for.
The very same day I got the tattoo, I went and kept starving myself. I spent hours at the gym as I always did, etc etc.
Most of you may know that when you get a tattoo they say “don’t exercise” “eat properly” etc etc. For at least 15 days. Well… my obsession went on and on, and my tattoo… it got really really bad, it didn’t heal at all, my body had no strength to heal a wound like that, specially when it was constantly being rubbed on with tennis shoes and socks, and then sweat and what not.
I had to have a surgery to remove it because it got to the point it was completely infected.
After that, something started clicking for me. I thought ‘this was suppose to mean my recovery, and I destroyed it by doing just the opposite’. Around that time, I started having heart problems because of the complications of my bulimia.
Finally, I sought help… and I got it. And it was so hard, but I did it. I made it. It’s been two years and I’m here, I’m recovered. I know, in the back of my mind, I’ll always have a little something that, but I’m stronger than it is.
A lot of people (who don’t know what the tattoo mean) ask “why don’t you just get it tattooed again over the scar?”. And I tell them that out of all my tattoos, this is my most precious one. This scar reminds me that it’s ok to fail, to fail really REALLY bad. But that if you truly want to be happy, you will be. You’ll have lost pieces of yourself along the way, but in the end, it’ll be worth it.
So my message to all of you struggling is: don’t give up. You can do it. Even if you relapsed, even if you think it’s too much, even if recovery seems like a dream. You. Can. Do. It.
There’s life after ED, and it’s beautiful.
Much love to all, stay strong <3